I've always been…

 …funny.

I said this to my dad a few weeks ago after he critiqued my performance. (My feelings about this are a whole different post - maybe someday I'll share.) I don't remember exactly what he said, but I do remember looking him in the eye, standing taller than my normal 5'3", and with my most truest and sincerest voice saying, "That's not true. I've always been funny!"

And I was right.

This came up again a few days later when I got a message that the podcast I recorded with Susan & Cynthia of At Last She Said It (ALSSI) was ready and going to be posted the next day. I literally panicked. I wasn't going to listen to the podcast. I did anyway. I got through the first 5 minutes and started sobbing. (Maybe someday I'll talk about that specific experience.) After more sobbing, chatting with Amanda, and listening to the whole episode - a quiet, clear voice said, "I've always been smart."

And I was right.

Tuesday came. The episode dropped. My voice was heard and it mattered to people. I spent that week reading how other women resonated with my experiences. (So many women with the same traumatic church/God experiences - again a post for another day.) What? I wasn't the only one? I was so grateful. I answered their last podcast question, "What do you know?" with "My voice matters."

And I was right.

The ALSSI team posts quotes from the current episode on Instagram. Seeing words I said in print was surprising to me in an unexpected way. (I'm still processing my level of surprise - I'll chat about it soon.) I've loved it so much! "I've always been wise."

And I was right.

I've gathered up my wise words, my honest voice and put them here. 

So I can see them and remember…

I've always been wise. My voice has always mattered. I've always been smart.

And Dad, even though you've never bothered to listen or notice, I've always been damn funny.

At Last She Said It Podcast episode - Embracing Your Journey: A Conversation with Mary Cox

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/at-last-she-said-it/id1506045350?i=1000654796247