i super suck...

... let me rephrase... 

I have often tried, but mostly, often, usually, every single other time... have failed...

... one more time... take three...

I really want to like it, but I don't --- and I come to a screeching (THIS IS HORRIBLY BORING!!!!) halt and I feel shame and guilt and then the failure and suckiness is the winner again...

That certainly wasn't better self talk. Goodness. 

Let's just go with the.... Truth... (without the loathing)

I don't read the scriptures well, or at all really. I don't really like it and I have no idea how I ever read the entire Book of Mormon. 

Part of me wants to read, study, learn things ---- but the other part of me DOES NOT!!! 

I'm a skimmer-reader -- I just need the main story line -- details be damned. And GOSH - DARN IT -- it's useless to skim an abridgment -- it's already shortened and the details left are not trees and flowers and smells and how the stupid wind feels -- but the GOSH DARN meat, the important part, the guts. 

So --- it's hard - I skim and miss entire events -- I skim and miss persons, places and things that make the story and the DOCTRINE have meaning. I skim and miss the quotes that everyone else rattles off because THEY DIDN'T SKIM OVER IT!!

But.... as some scripture somewhere says (that I certainly skimmed and missed) -- "there is always hope..." or something about hope being not fleeting or hope being from God -- or WHATEVER!  

Hope is in the scriptures somewhere...

Hope looks like this.... 

I have just spent 45 mins actually studying 6 whole paragraphs from the Title Page and Intro and -- HOLY MOLY -- it's actually been so fun. 

And I'll probably do it again...

And I'll hopefully not hate it by the time I get to 1 Nephi 3:7...

And I'll be able to retain the doctrine I need to combat the ever oppressing culture I don't need. 

So --- I'm headed to paragraph 7....