I think I added a !%^&* before it.
If I didn't -- I should have -- I wanted to -- it needs to be there.
!%^&$# ME TOO!!!
That feels better.
There is an internal struggle -- these 1in 4* women** have that can't really be described in a clear-cut singular emotion.
I think we try for years to pinpoint it -- is it rage? is it basic anger? is it disgust? is it sadness? is it despondent? is it grief? is it despair?
It's none of those specifically, but all of those combined.
All of the time.
Also throw in the shame, distrust, lack of self-worth, confusion, hurt, pain, lack of peace, anxiety, depression -- again, not just one of those -- but ALL of those.
All of the time.
It's heavy. So heavy. Almost too heavy.
It weighs you down, it gets dragged behind you.
Everyday. All day. Relentless. Ever present.
The heavy bogs up the joy, laughter, peace, hope, love and life.
It fills the empty spaces with doubt, confusion, worry, panic, fear.
It consumes -- like a black hole -- sucking the very life out of the universe, out of space.
Out of your soul.
But do you know what the WORST part is --- the HAREST part --- the part that OVERWHELMS you?
silence
I have to do something about the silence.
Shout it from the rooftops? Create a billboard? Rent a blimp? Hire a sky-wirter? Get a tatoo?
Are any of those enough? It doesn't feel like it. It feels hopeless -- like nothing will be enough.
Huh -- a thought just came to me… literally just popped into my head as I was typing…
…my voice…
…my voice can break the silence…
…deep breath…
I was sexually abused from the ages of 6 years old to 11 years old by cousins that lived next door to me. A male cousin, 2 female cousins and the dad of those cousins.
I was not alowed to talk about it to anyone. I tried my best to be brave. I tried to protect my younger sisters, but was unsuccessful.
I was told to love them anyway because they were family -- and you should love and trust family.
I am a surviver of childhood sexual abuse.
My voice will break the silence…
…and so can yours…
*it's probably more like 1 in 2 -- let's be real
**just assume there are men in this group too, but I only know a woman's point of view, so I'm going to speak about them
